Proud of You

It has been almost 6 months since I last posted on this blog. I just know that ex-SPM candidates have been reading my blog for scholarship information and I am beyond happy to know that my blog helps people, and inspire them. Congratulations for your result and know that I am very proud of all of you.

I think I should write to give a little bit insight and hope of my life here. To share the pros and cons of studying abroad, away from my home, my family. I have been here for almost 8 months and honestly I have no regrets for choosing this path.

I have been stressed out lately. It is a lie if I say all is going well with no hard days, studying abroad is awesome, wowww... I keep this dark part to myself, the isolation and depression moments I have sometimes keep me from going but whilst writing this I just want to remember the memorable, beautiful moment to give all of you hope that we must keep going, that we must never give up.

Choosing this path wasn't easy. I could follow my passion by choosing to do Medicine rather than Chemical Engineering that I know nothing about, that when I stepped my feet on the US land then I know it is only 5% of Chemistry and the rest are just Physics and Mathematics, among my weakest subjects. But as I went through my first semester and currently going through Introduction to Chemical Engineering, then I learn how to love this course. That I know why He made me choose this instead of Medicine.

Being here is something my 5 years old self will not ever think I can do. But I know it is something I want. Though I have to sacrifice my social life, sacrifice being a social butterfly and be a Lone Ranger instead. Everyday is about myself, eating, going to class, alone by myself. It doesn't mean I don't have friends, I do. I appreciate them the most as they are always here for me. But the feeling of not belonging is still there, in the class all Americans, but that is something I chose didn't I? However, this feeling is what keeps me to join activities that make me feel happy. I just finished performing as actor and dancer for Malaysian Night, a pat on my back! So, do things that can make you happy :) you can!

I will never regret coming here, even my worst days keep me from waking up to school on -10 degree Celsius day, even when I didn't perform well on midterms I put all my effort in, I will never regret. These hardships are what make me grow stronger. I will not regret, not because of the fame or the glamor of studying abroad but because of how I love  and appreciate this journey that opened my eyes to look more, to be blessed, to be tough, to be there for myself. Never think as those who study abroad are better than those studying in their home country because all have the struggles and blessings that come with the path He chose for us, that We chose for us.

Think about your passion, what you want to do. You know who you are :) Don't forget to be thankful that you are still able to study, to make your loved ones proud of you. To just be alive. Never compare your life with another. Everyday is our day, it must be something good in everyday like a stranger smiling at you :) Always be proud of yourself. I know you did your best, but whatever comes after this, it is the best for you.